Mary’s exterior beauty hid a lot of secrets about her vulnerability and loneliness. Her childhood had been an endless series of moves, creating a foundation of instability. When she was younger, it had just seemed like the way of the world. As Mary grew older, she realized many kids had both a mom and a dad, went to school in clean clothes and did not leave town in the middle of the night on a train.

It was an anxious childhood, never knowing what was next. She adapted to her environment by becoming a good listener and observer of her mother’s behavior. She remained on high alert for signs which would precipitate a change in their situation. She would even limit the amount of things she acquired in any one place and made sure her most important possessions could always be carried in her small tan suitcase.

Mary could remember a few times when her anxiousness had been washed away with the hospitality of a relative or a Christian family wanting to do good works. These were times where Mary and her mother were taken in and became part of a family. This always had the opposite effect on her mother though and Mary could see her become restless after a short time.

Mary had a cherished memory from one of those stays where she and her mother were sitting on wooden swings in the backyard of the home. It was the golden hour of the evening where light obtains a special softness and warmth. Her mother was looking at her sideways with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. There was an intense feeling of calmness and contentment for Mary in that moment.

Mary would replay that memory hundreds of times in the future when she became scared or unsure of what was next, always trying to reclaim the secure feeling it had evoked.